“My Anonymous Heart: To Be Consumed..”
Reflection writing on Matthew Stadler “What is Publication?” Talk from the Richard Hugo House’s writer’s conference. Seattle, WA. May, 2010.
Beginning to publish my thoughts and work is a vulnerable and uncomfortable experience. My posts are fragments of myself that I have held onto, perhaps for years and as I press the “publish” button; they are released from myself into a space where anyone has access to accept, judge, and react.
I am a block of text, a photo, a voice, and a screen. I share and create to enter people’s lives, an anonymous entity, by giving benign disinhibition of my experiences, life, thoughts and heart into the unknown cyberspace. I am giving myself to you, and I do not know who you are or when you will find this.
Press play, pause, scroll past the photo, exit the page.. or stay. Come in with an open heart and mind to consume the fragments of myself that I have shared and gain compassion, my experiences, stories, and new perspective Or, view and devour me with judgement, comparison, and unsolicited expectation.
I attempt to create a community, conversation, and space with my topics and transparency. My job is to post and the reader is to do whatever they please: think, comment, share. Once I have done my job, the interaction that I receive, negative or positive, is not in my control, as it is the job of the reader to engage. I require this engagement to thrive and create this environment of publication; the deliberate exchange of thoughts and ideas, yet there comes a great fear with posting and exposing my work. As I conclude my thoughts here I am realizing that I do not think the judgement and harsh reaction is causing my discomfort. It is the idea of sharing myself into a space where I have the ability to reach more people than I can fathom… and receiving silence.