“My Anonymous Heart: To Be Consumed..”

Reflection writing on Matthew Stadler “What is Publication?” Talk from the Richard Hugo House’s writer’s conference. Seattle, WA. May, 2010. 

Beginning to publish my thoughts and work is a vulnerable and uncomfortable experience. My posts are fragments of myself that I have held onto, perhaps for years and as I press the “publish” button; they are released from myself into a space where anyone has access to accept, judge, and react. 

Me: 

I am a block of text, a photo, a voice, and a screen. I share and create to enter people’s lives, an anonymous entity, by giving benign disinhibition of my experiences, life, thoughts and heart into the unknown cyberspace. I am giving myself to you, and I do not know who you are or when you will find this. 

The reader:

Press play, pause, scroll past the photo, exit the page.. or stay. Come in with an open heart and mind to consume the fragments of myself that I have shared and gain compassion, my experiences, stories, and new perspective Or, view and devour me with judgement, comparison, and unsolicited expectation. 

I attempt to create a community, conversation, and space with my topics and transparency. My job is to post and the reader is to do whatever they please: think, comment, share. Once I have done my job, the interaction that I receive, negative or positive, is not in my control, as it is the job of the reader to engage. I require this engagement to thrive and create this environment of publication; the deliberate exchange of thoughts and ideas, yet there comes a great fear with posting and exposing my work. As I conclude my thoughts here I am realizing that I do not think the judgement and harsh reaction is causing my discomfort. It is the idea of sharing myself into a space where I have the ability to reach more people than I can fathom… and receiving silence. 

With Love,

Tiana

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